Sweet Little 16

What a difference three years makes.

Three years ago I was in despair, questioning my sanity and everything I thought I knew about parenting.  My youngest had turned 13 and aliens had abducted her and left Princess Thunder Cloud in her place.  See "Tick-Tick-Tick," September 24, 2009.  Miriam did, and she's been begging for a positive blog update ever since.

Well, honey, it's your birthday.  Instead of saying "You'll have to do something good for me to write about," here it is.  Your Dad and I wished our sunny little girl would come back.  But guess what?  We love the young woman you're becoming even better than that.

I guess the thaw happened so gradually I couldn't pinpoint when the change happened.  All I know is that when she says "I love you" to me I no longer rush to mark the occasion on a calendar or wish for a recording device so I could play it back to her the next time she hated me.  Which was often.

I'm not sure I can remember the last time I heard her door slam in anger.

But it's more than that.  She's re-connecting with life again.  She's back to playing softball.  Her first love was playing first base, but this school year she played third.  During one game Miriam skillfully stabbed a hard-hit ball and threw the runner out at first.  When her team and coach commended her for a good play I saw something that I had feared was gone forever.  It was that smile.  That pure, dimpled look of joy and pride that had earned her the nickname "Smiley" in her earlier playing days.

Miriam's renewed interest in playing softball has also ignited a passion for baseball.  The girl who last year rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room when her sister turned on the game now watches the pre-show as well.  We're celebrating her birthday by going to a Cleveland Indians game.

And I revel in her sense of humor.  She loves the offbeat, the random, and the clever.  Thanks to her I've rediscovered the current Saturday Night Live and learned to appreciate "Scrubs," "How I Met Your Mother," and "Raising Hope." (I also have her to blame for my "Criminal Minds" and "Law and Order SVU" addictions, however.)  Plus there's the laugh.  When something really tickles her she has this heart and soul felt belly laugh - I dare anybody to keep a straight face in its presence!

It's like the best of the girl is re-emerging, only stronger and better. 
 
Not to say that we still don't have our challenges.  In Miriam's world, deadlines are merely suggestions and school work is optional.  Her grades reflect that.  When this slide started,(yes, it was when she was 13), her Dad and I tried to address it.  We expressed our concern.  We got strict.  We tried banning her from her phone, the computer, TV.  At this point I will fully admit that I was not good at that.  A grounded teenager with no entertainments in a small house is really a punishment for the parent.

One thing I've learned from her is to let go.  She's always had an independent streak and needs to learn things for herself.  Tom and I recently stopped monitoring her grades.  She is the only person who can make herself work to her abilities, and we have to trust her to do that.  (That being said, I'll admit I'm nervous about her final report card).

I've come to recognize, however, as every parent does, that her most troublesome traits (procrastination, for example) COME STRAIGHT FROM ME.  As my dear friend the late, great John Birmingham once told me, "Your kids will turn out more like you than you would even want them to." 

But I'm proud of how she's turning out.  She has a tremendous heart and a strong sense of social justice.  She loves fully.  When she's happy there is no one happier.  The world is a better place for her being in it. (Even though her room is reminiscent of a hoarder's.  SORRY HONEY, I COULDN'T RESIST!  No one is perfect, right?)

Happy birthday, Miriam.  There is so much to love about you that I didn't even get the chance to mention like your beauty and your sense of style. 

You are sweet 16, indeed.