A Primal Scream of Rage

So I was sitting in church.  Standing, actually, because I sing with the choir and we were chanting a psalm.  A psalm we had rehearsed earlier that morning.  Then it happened - a verse jumped out at me.  I could almost hear the "thwack" when it hit me between the eyes.

 

Refrain from anger, leave rage alone

do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil.

(Psalm 37: verse 8)

I've been really angry lately.  I've been disheartened by some of the things going on in our country.  I vote.  I contact my elected representatives.  But my congressional representative is a hard-core conservative, both fiscally and morally, and seems to have a fondness for the second amendment.  In other words, he doesn't represent me at all and he's not going anywhere because my state is so heavily gerrymandered.   

So when I feel my blood pressure getting a little low, I like to go onto his public facebook page. (Jim Jordan, Ohio District 4 if you want to check it out yourselves.)  I like to post things and wait for the trolls to come feed.  My game is to be as reasonable as possible.  I even try to engage them in debate.  At the very least, I do my best to avoid name-calling and cheap shots. 

I've tried.  I've really tried.  But a person can only be nice for so long.  Even Jesus lost his cool.  He killed a fig tree when it didn't have figs on it EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NOT THE SEASON FOR FIGS.  It must have been a bad day or something.  He also rolled-up his sleeves, knotted the cord from his robe, and opened a can of whoop-ass on the moneychangers in the temple, overturning their tables.  (Mark 11:12-21).  Jesus had his limits.  So do I.

For once I want to say what I really think.  And it's not nice at all.

WARNING: Bad language and evil thoughts to follow.

Where to begin...let's start with Medicaid and the Affordable Care Act.  What the fuck, people?  It's not that big a deal.  Insurance companies are still selling insurance, only now they have to follow rules.  They have to actually help you, even if you're sick.  They can't price-gouge and they have to actually spend some of their profit paying for health care.  Young, healthy people are upset that they have to buy insurance?  We all know that they NEVER suffer accidents or unforeseen illness.  Truth - one of Tom and my dearest friends forewent health coverage when he was between jobs.  He might have done differently if he'd known he was going to be diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.  What we have now is not the more efficient single-payer system, but it's a step forward and I'm all for it.

Oh yeah.  As part of the ACA states were allowed, at federal government expense, to expand their Medicaid programs to cover people who would be unable to purchase their own insurance.  My Republican governor, with whom I do not agree very often, suggested that expanding Medicaid was the humane thing to do and put it in his budget.  The pinhead Republicans in the legislature stripped it out fearing that, I don't know, they'd lose their jobs due to pinhead voters.  And there are A LOT of them in Ohio.  I e-mailed the governor my support on this issue, and I'm sure other organizations, like, say, the AMA, did the same.  So what happened?  He caved.  He signed the budget without the Medicaid expansion and, for good measure, allowed specious abortion regulations because, dang-it, we gotta protect those babies.  Once they're here, though, they're on their own.

OK.  Now I'm getting warmed up.  Let's talk about SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) now, shall we?  Food stamps.  Has the program grown explosively over the last decade.  Hell, yes.  Is that because the benefits are so generous and it's causing a culture of dependency?  HELL NO!  The rolls are up because poverty is up partly because the distribution of wealth is so mind-bogglingly skewed that the average citizen can't even grasp it, or what it means.  GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED HEADS, FISCAL CONSERVATIVES OF ALL STRIPES, THAT THIS PROGRAM IS A SYMPTOM, NOT THE PROBLEM.  Cutting the benefits will not magically make food appear on people's tables.  Food pantries and meal programs are already running pretty much at capacity.  Throwing people off the program directly, or indirectly by toughening the requirements, will only leave people hungry.  And it also hurts the businesses, such as neighborhood groceries that serve low-income areas.

Do you believe the SNAP program should be cut by $39 billion dollars over the next 5 years?  I have a challenge for you.  Try feeding your family for an entire month on the SNAP allotment.  Last I saw that means spending no more than $1.40 per person, per meal.  But that's not all.  Don't do any grocery shopping the week before you start because SNAP recipients don't necessarily have the benefit of starting with a well-stocked cupboard.  To make it even more realistic, give up using your car.  If you can't afford food you probably don't have the money to maintain and insure a car, or pay for gas.  And public transportation is also off-limits unless you can scare up the cash for the fare.  No using your bank account!  You don't have one.  So you can only get around by begging rides from other people.  Ready, set, GO!

And after you've tried this get down on your knees and thank God that you only had to do this for one month.  

You know who else has been really pissing me off?  The gun lobby.  No, not even just the NRA, but their evil minions.  We had one raise hell in Oberlin.  It started with a man openly carrying a firearm at the Oberlin Family Fun Fair, which, as the name implies, is a day of entertainment, street sales, and all kind of activities designed to be, well, you know, fun.  Did I mention that it was during the day?  That the downtown is full of people?  And that Oberlin is a small town in a rural area?  WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT GUY THINK HE WAS PROTECTING HIMSELF FROM??

That was just the beginning.  It was just the opening salvo from Ohioans for Concealed Carry (I think it is), an organization that feels people should be allowed to carry any gun anywhere.  Their next step was to sue the city for having an ordinance that bans firearms in the city parks.  The city had to cave, of course, because our asshole high court had already upheld a challenge to such city laws.  Just to rub salt in the wound, the local OCC Neanderthals had to have an open carry rally at one of our city parks, proudly playing with their toddlers while proudly displaying their guns on their hips.  The local papers ran a sweet picture of a mother cradling her baby above her holster.  I believe it was this same mother who left a loaded ammunition clip on a picnic table.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!

This is where I get evil.  So what am I to do when I'm hanging at the coffee shop and a guy walks in with an M-15?  (This actually happened in Oberlin.)  I guess I'm supposed to assume he's just a good American exercising his right to do whatever the fuck he wants to do with his gun, and wish him a good day.  You know the problem with that?  If I'm wrong about his intentions I could DIE. That's what.  Mass shootings barely garner attention anymore, unless the shooter added their own unique twist to the situation, such as firing on federal agents a la the LAX shooter.  As long as the victims are grown-ups it barely merits a yawn.

To make it worse?  OCC is STILL suing Oberlin because we had the temerity to try to ban ILLEGAL weapons in the parks.  Fuck you in the eye.

Refrain from anger, leave rage alone

do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil.

 

And this is where the evil comes in.  I see these messed-up people with their beautiful children and I think "What would happen if the toddler found one of those ammunition clips?  What if in a few years they sneak and play with a gun without their parents knowing?  What if one of those children grows up to be a moody teenager with suicidal thoughts?  What happens if one of these OCC people shoots one of their children mistaking him or her for a criminal?"

 

Here's where the evil sets in.  I want it to happen.  I'm not a COMPLETE monster.  How about nobody dies, maybe just gets winged a bit.  Although I'd be willing to bet that even if it happened it wouldn't change any minds.  The kids are innocent and I feel badly for them.  I have zero sympathy for those parents. 

 

And that's the problem with rage.  I hate feeling this way.  I am ashamed that I would ever wish harm on children.  OK.  Maybe the kids could be playing with the gun and accidentally shoot a parent.

 

It only leads to evil.

 

I went back and re-read the psalm passage, and this time the whole thing spoke directly to my heart.  For the sake of brevity, I'm omitting verses 3-6 which admonish us to rejoice in the Lord, basically, and all sorts of good things will happen. 

Psalm 37: 1-2, 7-10

 

Do not fret yourself because of evildoers;

do not be jealous of those who do wrong.

 

For they shall soon wither like the grass,

and like the green grass fade away.

 

Be still before the LORD

and wait patiently for him.

 

Do not fret yourself over the one who prospers,

the one who succeeds in evil schemes.

 

Refrain from anger, leave rage alone;

do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil.

 

for evildoers shall be cut off,

but those who wait upon the LORD shall possess the land.

 

I'm feeling a bit better.

 

And how are you?