I just finished reading my last post and I must question its accuracy since it makes me sound much more purposeful than I really am. Have you ever watched a butterfly or moth fly? They loop and wander but overall move forward towards their goal. They are probably more direct than I am.
Which is to say, Carla, if you happen to read this it's not like I was charging along towards a brighter future and I hit a wall. More like I had a vague concept and then availability coincided with need.
I said last post that it all came down to money. Alas, isn't it always at the root? I've never been entirely comfortable without an income of my own, and that has kept me in a few jobs I really shouldn't have stayed in. I don't even need to earn a lot of money, but something of my own I can spend or have to assist with the next car repair/household need which is always lurking just around the corner. Facing the prospect of no more regular paychecks, I put out the word that I was at a loose end.
That is how Brandon entered the picture. My bowling buddy Carla had a beautiful baby boy, her husband was struggling with the after effects of back surgery, and she had to return to work. She needed a sitter and I needed a purpose.
And I thought doing dishes was hard work! It occurs to me now that I was not home with my own children full-time when they were this age (3 1/2 months when we started, now he's 4 months old). I was the working mom. I feel this may be a bit of a Karmic payback.
I had forgotten how all-consuming they are at this age. At times it feels like an endless cycle of feedings, burpings, and diapers. LOTS of walking and bouncing. He's still learning to use his hands so even playing with a toy by himself is a struggle, although improving every day. It's been difficult to keep up with the ol' blog since babies have radar that tell them when their caregiver is paying attention to something else, even if they've been content up to that point. In the evening I'M JUST TOO DARNED TIRED. I feel old.
Oh yeah. Did I mention that he arrives at 7:30 in the morning and stays till 5:30 at night?
On the plus side, he is really cute. Especially in the morning when he looks up at me with his little round face and big bright eyes and has one of his happiness spasms. He doesn't just smile, he glows. I've had the pleasure of taking his to the nursing home a few times, and discussed with my neighbor how he should be licensed as a therapy baby.
Am I making a u-turn? I don't know. I tell myself I'm still going to pursue the school route - don't lots of single moms with little babies do that?
Talk to you next naptime!
Who sings the song, "Money makes the world go around, world go around, world go around,..."?
ReplyDeleteGeorge Carlin once said, "You can tell when a moth farts because it flies straight. Flutter-flutter-flutter-pppppphth-flutter-flutter-flutter-flutter-ppppphth...."
If you think moths have it bad, consider the lowly bacterium. The E. coli cell has a flagellum, but no aiming device: it can either swim straight, or tumble randomly, but cannot execute a simple turn of any particular angle or direction. But so uncertain is its world that it needs no more than this; for the merest ripple, on our scale, is to E. coli an immense tsunami, which sweeps it off into some random, new environment. So what's the point of having precision turning? The bacterium swims and tumbles, swims and tumbles, in alternation, until it senses by chemical means that it is approaching a food source, at which point it switches over to mostly swimming. Given its constantly shifting milieu, anything more would be overthinking the problem.